A bit about Valentine’s Day and the expectations of LOVE
I had a friend tell me a story shared with her by a pregnant mom. If you don’t know much about pregnancy, what you need to know for this is that it can be an emotional rollercoaster that at times can leave both parents speechless.
It seems that this burgeoning mom was with her husband after an OB appointment and was eagerly eyeing an outdoor lunch spot on a beautiful sunny day.
Her sweet husband; missing every cue about the patio, the sun, and opportunity to enjoy lunch, ran into Subway and got them both a sandwich to eat in the car.
In her frustration and inability to convey her desire, the mom tearfully threw her kindly unwrapped sandwich across the dashboard and adamantly spoke through her sobs that she wanted to eat something yummy at the restaurant with the patio.
She was distraught.
Her husband was mortified and dumbstruck.
They got out of the car and went to the restaurant, after they both burst into laughter at the absurdity of the moment (thank goodness).
This didn’t have to go the way it did. This couple used this moment to bring a bit of laughter to their labor and delivery. It brought them closer, rather than further apart.
The Love of a Happy Ending
People love hearing stories like this one because it gives us hope, or the reminder of how much love exists in the world. It feels good to hear about how people overcome challenges.
There’s a bit of an interesting story about Eros, that reminds us that sometimes life isn’t always what we want it to be.
Now, Eros is thought to be the origin of “Cupid.” And he was no cherub flying around shooting people with arrows of love. Some of the stories tell of how he had TWO arrows in his quiver. Golden ones to incite love or passion, and leaden ones that brought revulsion.
He wasn’t exactly nice about all of this either, but then again, what Roman or Greek God really was all that nice?
His mischievous antics created all sorts of emotional turmoil for humans and for Gods alike.
Creating the story of a character like this to represent how we’ve all experienced love and revulsion, is a brilliant representation of life. I’m sure you can remember moments on the playground or in high school where “Cupid” created the pain of unrequited love!!
No one wants the reminder of a broken heart or love that wasn’t reciprocated. It makes us question what love really is, if we’ve ever been deserving of it, or if it’s really worth all of the effort.
The happy ending that we see in the movies isn’t very realistic, and it keeps us in the fantasy that the perfect relationship will always be happy. It’s why we love reality shows like the Bachelor/ette, or Fantasy Island.
The drama of fighting for that “love” gives us the opportunity to experience the chase while we watch and not care if someone is rejected, because it’s not us.
Yet, when we feel that feeling of rejection; as the husband may have felt when his wife threw the sandwich he got her, we’re facing the reality that love isn’t always perfect.
The Illusion of Love
On all of the beautiful Valentine’s Day cards we see, Cupid is smiling and shooting only the golden arrows, hearts (because isn’t that where in our body we feel love and fear the most?), and these beautiful birds holding lace and ribbons.
It was in 1375 AD that Chaucer's love poem “The Parliament of Fowls” mentions St. Valentine’s Day, just a few years after Pope Gelasius in the 5th century outlawed Lupercalia, the pagan celebration that celebrated fertility and paired young couples every year.
The story of Saint Valentine himself possibly dates back before Pope Gelasius to the 3rd century when Emperor Claudius II beheaded a priest and a bishop, both by the name of Valentine. They may in fact be the same person, or never existed at all, but are told to have fought for love.
It’s all very speculative. No matter if it’s real or not, the stories inspire the commitment to ever-lasting love.
There’s always a flip side.
Even in Chaucer’s poem, he speaks of the pain of love.
So, how do we know when it’s the real deal?
How do we know that it’s not just hormones, pheromones, or unhealed wounds trying to get our attention?
That’s the million dollar question. And I don’t think you really do know for sure. There might be a few people out there who are clear about it, have always been clear about it, and are immovable in their belief about romantic love in their lives.
They may be the lucky ones.
There are many that forget those moments of love. Maybe it faded, or there were too many moments of misunderstanding.
Finding Love Again
Love often moves up and down. I heard someone say, “Marriage is what keeps us together when love steps away for a breather.”
So, what brings love back to life in a marriage or relationship?
Taking photos of couples from their engagement all the way through kids and beyond, I have been given the opportunity to talk to these couples who keep it going, through the thick and the thin.
There are moments when you can see the spark between them get dim from year to year, then it’s back again. What’s their magic? The secret sauce?
Being best friends first tends to be a big one. Having special things to do together is another. As is remembering that Cupid carries two arrows, and can use either one without notice.
Knowing how to navigate the leaden ones takes time, and a lot of compassion, communication, and humor.
It’s all in a moment…
Of course, I want to believe that someone looked at a portrait that I got to take and they see the joy, the connection, the…love reflected back at them. It’s possible that this captured moment may have helped a marriage stay together.
It may not have been my portrait that does that, but I will say that when a beautiful moment is captured, it can be a profound reminder of the feelings felt during that time.
Even when someone is in a rough place with a relationship, there can still be the magic in their eyes that they don’t feel, and yet it’s reflected in the photo.
Remember your moments of light, joy, and kindness this Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t have to be passionate, heart racing, boiling over love. Love has many temperatures and seasons. Enjoy each one of them as you grow and set this beautiful year in motion.
To read about my love story with my husband when we met in college, CLICK HERE. Valdosta State University Love Blog. Scroll to the middle of the article, we are The Morgan’s! Fun memories for sure.
Hey! if you want to get involved in a great community service project, CLICK HERE to visit the AARP - Wish of a Lifetime and participate in the Cupid Crew! Spreading love and kindness to Senior Citizens in our community with writing a card for Valentine’s Day.
Cheers!
~Kim
This peek into Kim’s world was brought to you by Emily Kamala. Emily is a freelance writer and life coach who loves to share stories, write blogs, and experience life so fully she has to bring it to life on the page. If you’re interested in reading more of her work, you can visit: www.EmilyKamala.com
Kim Morgan has brought her passion for connecting and telling stories through photography to life. Her ability to put you and your family at ease is so palpable you don’t even realize she’s behind the camera getting those precious moments for you to carry with you many years later. She lives in Colorado with her husband, son, and dog, where they enjoy exploring the mountains and laughing at every opportunity. Her website is KWDesignsPhotography.com to see her amazing work and set up your session!